4:42 a.m. and I am awake.

I guess you could say it’s a vampire night, but not really. I woke up maybe 30 minutes ago, wide awake, but I did sleep from about 11:00 or so til then.

I don’t know what has woke me up. Just can’t sleep.

[Side note: Tim just walked in the living room where I am sitting and checked on me to make sure I was okay since I wasn’t in bed. How sweet is he?]

Anyway, earlier this year (or was it the end of last year?) Tim and I moved our bed to the other side of our bedroom, under the only window in our room. All we did is flip our furniture around, mirror image, but I swear it makes the room look bigger. I have no idea how. However, in doing so, on nights when I couldn’t sleep I would always look straight up and out of the window into the night sky, and always, always there was this one shining, bright star staring back at me. I loved it. It felt like a friend looking back at me saying, “It’s okay. I’m awake too, and it’s a beautiful night.” I’ve done a lot of dreaming, looking at that star. Often times I would even find myself praying as I looked at it. Somehow it made me feel like God was listening better.

Do you ever feel like God hears you better during the night?

I know it’s not true. What is really happening is that I am hearing Him better, because I am actually being still and knowing He is God. Maybe God wakes me up sometimes just to have some alone time with me. If that is the case, I’m okay with it, but I’m sorry that that is the only way He can get my attention some days.

I relish the day when our relationship will be made perfect.

Alas, with the coming of summer, my little star has hidden away. We have pretty near a Forbidden Forest in our backyard, and close to the house at that. It’s beautiful, but brings spiders and now, I discover, hides away the night sky from my view while lying in bed.

Ah me. I was really sad the first night I discovered the leaves had blocked my dear star-friend. At first I strained my eyes to try to find it in little holes the leaves left behind, but it was no use. I know exactly where it sits in the sky and it is out of sight line. But it’s okay. When the fall sets in, as will my depression at bidding farewell to my favorite season for another year, and the leaves turn lovely in their old age and drift one by one to the ground, I know one night I will look up and see my good friend peeking back at me again saying, “Hello! I was always here! Good to see you again!”

It will make the fall and winter not seem so bad, having my star-friend back. Until then I guess I will just have to crawl out of bed and come talk to you.

With love, Malorie

“Wendy, Wendy, when you are sleeping in your silly bed you might be flying about with me saying funny things to the stars.” Peter and Wendy by J. M. Barrie

Advertisements